


Admission

by tellthenight



Series: I'll Hold On to You [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, High School Student Benny, High School Student Castiel, High School Student Charlie, High School Student Dean, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Prom, getting into college
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4575162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellthenight/pseuds/tellthenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas come home to an unexpected visitor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean and Cas were still discussing the exam from earlier in the day when Sam got in the car. He threw his backpack in first and then folded his lanky self into the backseat.

 

“Hey, Sammy. Bad day?” Dean asked, eyeing his brother in the rear view mirror.

 

“Shut up.”

 

Dean glanced at Castiel who shrugged. Dean pulled out of the parking spot. “Do you have to work tomorrow, Cas?”

 

“Yes, and I’m going to the garage all day with your dad on Saturday.”

 

“I’ll ask if I can get some hours on Saturday too.”

 

“You think he’ll go for that?”

 

Dean smirked. “Maybe.” He glanced at Sammy in the mirror again, but he was still sulking in the backseat.

 

“Sammy. School thing or girl thing or what?”

 

Sammy glared at him in the mirror until Dean looked away.

 

“Okay…” Dean turned onto their street and pulled into the driveway and back behind the house. Sam pushed ahead of them to get into the house first, knocking Cas with his backpack along the way.

 

“What is his problem?” Dean muttered as he grabbed his backpack out of the backseat.

 

“It’s okay. He’ll probably be over it tomorrow. Don’t you remember middle school?”

 

Dean laughed. “I’m glad you didn’t know me then.”

 

“Why? What were you like?”

 

“Like I’m going to tell my boyfriend my most horrific qualities.”

 

“I doubt they were horrific.”

 

“Trust me, man- like horrific music choices and-” Cas was ahead of Dean going into the kitchen and he stopped dead. Dean stopped just in time to keep from running into him, but then Cas stepped back into him and Dean had to practically hold him up.

 

There sitting in the Winchester’s kitchen with Mary was Naomi Milton, Castiel’s mother.

 

Dean grabbed Cas’s arm and he leaned in close. “We can go back out.”

 

Cas nodded faintly and they started to back up, but Mary stopped them.

 

“Cas, I’ve been talking with your mother this afternoon. I think you might want to hear what she wants to say.”

 

Cas shook his head, eyes on his mother. “I’m pretty sure I don’t.”

 

“Castiel, I would like a chance to speak to you. It has been several weeks-” Naomi started to stand, but when she saw Cas back into Dean even further she sat back at the table. Her body kept stiff and straight gave nothing away, but her eyes told a story of hurt.

 

“I won’t make you stay, Cas, but I thought you might want to know what she and I have been talking about all afternoon.” Mary smiled at Cas, gently trying to get him to agree.

 

“Sure.” He muttered, but he didn’t move forward and Mary didn’t make him.

 

“Your mother was telling me about how poor your relationship has been with your father for a long time and with her too.”

 

Cas kept his eyes down and nodded a little. Dean’s eyes were on Cas and he held him a little tighter.

 

“She knows you don’t want to come home and she doesn’t want to make you come home either.”

 

Cas looked up to Mary then. “So what does she want?”

 

“Castiel.” His mother started, but he shook his head and looked down again.

 

“I don’t want to talk to her.” He said only loud enough for Dean to hear. He was starting to breathe hard and Dean had enough.

 

“We’re gonna’ go outside a minute and calm down maybe.” He slid his backpack to the floor and did the same for Cas, then led him out the back door.

 

“Take a deep breath, Cas.”

 

“Why is she here? And why would your mom-”

 

“My mom wouldn’t anything, Cas- you know that. I’m sure she was just as surprised as you are.” Dean pressed Cas into a patio chair. “What do you want to do?”

 

“I can’t- I don’t want to talk to her.”

 

“What if she’s here to make things right? You’ve been gone like six weeks and maybe she’s realized-”

 

“What? That for 17 years I was a giant pain in her ass but now that she’s going to miss my graduation she wants me back in her house? I’m not moving back there no matter what.”

 

Dean wasn’t sure what to say. He sat in the chair next to Cas. “Well, I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”

 

Cas stared straight ahead for a long time and Dean shifted in his seat so he could see in the kitchen window. Mary was talking with Naomi, seated next to her at the kitchen table.

 

“Can we wait til your dad gets here?” Cas asked.

 

“Yeah. I bet that would be fine. Want me to get my mom?”

 

Cas nodded, and kept at his long stare. Dean went to get her and when they came out Mary sat next to Cas, concern written all over her face. “I’m sorry, Cas. I did not plan this at all and I did not know that she would want to talk to you today.”

 

“I don’t really want to talk to her.”

 

“I meant it before when I said you don’t have to. But I really have been talking with her all afternoon. Maybe you can just listen? And then decide later if you want to say anything?”

 

“Can we wait until John gets here?”

 

“If you like.”

 

It was an hour before John got home, and they all went in together. Mary had taken Naomi into the living room and Cas took the chair farthest away from his mother. Dean stood behind him, arms crossed over his chest.

 

“Castiel.” Naomi said. She looked straight into him, and Dean realized he knew that soul-piercing stare by heart, except coming from bright blue eyes. “I would like you to consider coming back home, though we will not force you to do so. Just until you graduate and then you can do what you like through the summer before you leave for college.”

 

Cas frowned at her. “I’m going to KU.”

 

Naomi pursed her lips. “Your father and I would prefer an east coast school.” One of her eyebrows tipped up at a questioning angle. “You know that. If you come home we will certainly repay the Winchesters here and any other debts you may have acquired.”

 

“Keeping Cas has been a privilege you can’t repay,” John said. “and I don’t think he has a good enough reason to come home any time soon.”

 

Naomi’s annoyance at John’s presence permeated the room. She looked pointedly at Cas. “You should be with your family. That’s all we want.”

 

Cas didn’t say anything- his eyes had dropped low again and he hunched forward, totally regressing after the six weeks the Winchesters had spent lavishing love and respect on him.

 

“Castiel,” Naomi continued. “I want to propose a visitation of sorts. I will come see you here where you have deemed it safe and I would like to simply consider what I have said today.”

 

Everyone waited for Cas to say something. When he did, he kept his eyes down, but spoke clearly. “Only when John is here. And you have to plan it advance- no more surprises. Plus I work now, so it has to be around that and studying.”

 

“You’re working?” Naomi looked accusingly at John, as if he had turned her son into some sort of slave.

 

“I have to pay for college, don’t I?”

 

Naomi raised her chin and she looked at her son strangely. “What exactly did your father say that night, Castiel? You are still our son.”

 

“That didn’t seem to be the message.”

 

Naomi’s lips pressed together in a thin line and she stood. “School is to be your most important priority. Quit your job and let me know what you need I will be sure you get it. I will certainly make arrangements in advance to see you and I will be sure we meet whenever it is convenient for Mr. Winchester.” She looked John in the eye, and he offered his hand to her. She shook it firmly and stepped into the hall, Mary following behind her to let her out.

 

Dean sunk down to his knees next to Cas’s chair. Cas had slumped against the side and he looked pale.

 

“Hey-  you did good there.” Dean said, putting a hand on his cheek. “You were calm and said what you needed.”

 

“Do you think I should actually quit working?” Cas looked up at John. “Maybe she’ll give me money this week and then change her mind…”

 

“Work for me as much as you want,” John said. “I always need help in the office and you have proven yourself more organized than I am. Someday we may even see the top of my desk again.” He smiled and Dean felt Cas relax against him a little bit.

 

Mary returned and smiled sympathetically at Cas. “Come help me with dinner, Cas.”

 

Dean stood when Cas did and watched him follow Mary into the kitchen.

 

“What do you think she really wants?” Dean asked his dad.

 

“Mrs. Milton? I’m not sure yet.” John said. “We’ll protect him, though. Why don’t you tell Sam we’re having dinner soon?”

 

Dean went upstairs and tapped Sam’s door. He waited for Sam to yell “come in” before he pushed the door open.

 

“Oh. It’s you. Thought it was dad.” Sam was sprawled out on his bed with a comic book open.

 

“You were super pissy in the car and now you’re hiding up here. What’s wrong?” Dean moved a stack of comic books out of the way to sit on the end of the bed.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Is it a girl? ‘Cause I can help you with girls. They’re easy, you know? You just have to-”

 

“Don’t talk to me about girls, okay?” Sam snapped. “Get out of here.”

 

“What the hell, Sammy? Just tell me-”

 

“Just stay out of it, asshole! You’ve already made it bad enough.” Sam tried to push Dean off the bed, but Dean easily avoided him and tackled him back on the bed.

 

“Made it bad enough? Tell me what it is or I’ll never let you up.”

 

“God- get off of me, jerk!” Sammy’s face was red with exertion as he tried to wriggle his way out from under his brother.

 

“Tell me!”

 

“You and your… Cas! God- you and Cas, okay?”

 

Dean let go and Sam scrambled back to the top of his bed. “What?”

 

“You and… Cas.” Sam looked away from his brother as he talked. “Everyone knows, and-”

 

“Are they making fun of you?”

 

Sam shrugged.

 

“Sammy, tell me they’re making fun of you and I’ll come to your school and put the fear of god into ‘em.”

 

Sammy rolled his eyes. “It’s nothing, okay? I’ll take care of it myself.”

 

Dean sat still on the bed. It all came back on him. If he wouldn’t have asked Cas out and hadn’t kissed him on the porch that day Cas would still be living with his parents. If he would have just kept his mouth shut, Sam wouldn’t be getting picked on at school. If he would have-

 

“Dean?” Sam’s voice was small and worried.

 

Dean blinked down at the comforter on Sam’s bed to clear his eyes. “Tell Dad if anything happens, okay?” and he got up before Sam could say anything else.

 

**************

 

“You’re quiet.” Cas said when they turned out the light for bed. “You’ve been quiet all night.”

 

Dean was on the air mattress that night. Sleeping together in his bed was not a long term solution, so they had started taking turns on the floor after Cas had been there for a week.

 

“Did you want to talk about something?”

 

“Between your mom and my mom I don’t have any more guts to spill.”

 

Dean rolled over to face the wall. He wasn’t going to add anything onto Cas by telling him what Sam had said. The stuff with his mom was already too much, and there was still school to worry about too. If Cas knew about Sam he wouldn’t just be mad- he’d worry too. He thought Cas had fallen asleep but then the mattress heaved and squeaked and Cas was next to him, a warm arm over his body and a kiss to his neck.

 

“Something is wrong.” Cas said.

 

“Just thinking about your mom.”

 

“I don’t even know what to make of all that, Dean. I don’t want you to worry about it too.”

 

“It’s about you, so of course I’m worried.”

 

Cas kissed him again. “I’m happy to know that you feel so strongly about it, but there is nothing either of us can do. I’m going to work for your dad on weekends and wait to see if she’s serious about the money, and otherwise try not to think too much about it.”

 

Dean turned over to look at him. “How can you just not think about it, Cas?”

 

“What do you think I’ve been doing my whole life?” Cas smiled in the dim light and kissed Dean on the lips. Dean leaned into him and held him close by the back of the neck after the kiss ended.

 

“I’m thinking about you now too, okay?”

 

Cas smiled. “I know that. Please try not to worry. I can’t fix this mess and neither can you.”

  
It was true- neither of them could fix it, but Dean wouldn’t be able to stand it if he didn’t at least try.


	2. Prom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean receive their college letters and go to the prom.

“Stop worrying, Dean.”

 

Dean faked a smile and grabbed his backpack. “Who’s worrying? So what if everyone else is getting their admission letters and I just grabbed a stack of bills out of the box?”

 

Cas gave him one of those looks, the one that said “I get it, but cut it out.” Dean looked away. Cas was right. Just because practically all their friends had received admission letters to a few different colleges and he hadn’t received anything yet didn’t mean anything. Did it? He had only applied to a few schools with the plan that he would definitely go to KU. But no KU letter yet. No letter from any school, actually, and that’s why he worried.

 

“I’m going to check mine.” Cas jogged across the street and pulled mail from the mailbox, sorting through before putting everything back with a shrug. He trudged back to Dean, who was standing in the driveway, and smiled at him. “See? I don’t have anything either.”

 

“I’m just tired of waiting, Cas.” Dean followed Cas up the steps and into the house. “Charlie got hers 5 days ago.”

 

“Food and then homework?” Cas asked as they went inside.

 

“I guess. I’ll get food together.” Dean set his backpack on the table and had just opened the fridge when he heard another car in the driveway. No one was supposed to be home for awhile, so Dean was surprised to see Mary get out of the car and slam her door and Sam slouch out of the passenger seat. She pointed him into the house and when he got inside Sam looked up before he realized Cas and Dean were standing there, revealing a bruised eye and a small cut on the cheekbone. He looked straight back down and pushed past to get to the stairs.

 

“Sammy!” Dean started to go after him, but his mother stopped him.

 

“I told him to go up, Dean. Your father will talk to him when he gets home.”

 

“But his eye-”

 

“Don’t feel too much sympathy. He started it.” Mary shook her head. “I’m going back out to run the errands I was supposed to run before the principal called me.” She looked Dean straight in the eye, head tilted down, the no-nonsense take-this-seriously look on her face. “Leave him alone until your dad gets home.” Mary turned to Cas and smiled. “Hello, Cas. Keep Dean out of trouble for me?”

 

“Yes, Ma’am.” He said, but he saw the look that cleared Dean’s face the second Mary was out the door.

 

“Dean, don’t-”

“You can sit down here and pretend you didn’t see me if you want to, Cas.”

 

“Dean, just-”

 

Dean pushed past Cas and took the stairs two at a time to get to his brother’s room. “I’m coming in, Sam.” He said, and pushed the door open without preamble. Sam lay back on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

 

“What happened?”

 

“He was saying things, so I punched him.”

 

“Saying what?”

 

“About you, so-”

 

“So nothing, Sammy. Don’t let anyone get you so worked up that you get yourself in trouble.”

 

Sam sat straight up. “You’re my brother! I’m going to-”

 

“You think people don’t talk bad about me and Cas at school? They do. For godsake Cas’s own parents kicked him out for being gay. It’s our fight, not yours, okay? Just ignore them and-” Dean grinned and ruffled Sam’s hair. “wait ‘til you grow a few inches and gain a few pounds before you try to take anyone on in my defense.”

 

Sam pushed him off and muttered under his breath.

 

“So what did you get?”

 

“Suspended three days.”

 

“Dad is going to kick your ass.”

 

Sam looked so miserable that Dean regretted his words. “Did you tell mom why?”

 

Sam shook his head.

 

“Well, let me tell them, okay? Maybe they won’t ground you for the whole summer.” Dean stood up. “She is going to make you scrub the whole house from top to bottom for the whole suspension, though. Just a warning.”

 

Dean turned to go and realized Cas was in the doorway. He stepped into the hall and pulled Sam’s door shut. He motioned Cas back downstairs and when they reached the kitchen he leaned back against the kitchen table.

 

“What did you hear?”

 

“Sam is getting picked on because of us?”

 

Dean shrugged. “I guess.”

 

“Dean-”

 

“I don’t know what to say, Cas. He can’t get into fights, and especially not over this. I’ll be out of here next month and it will all die down.”

 

“Not for all of us.” Cas said quietly. Dean grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him close.

 

Hey.” He said softly. “I know. It’s not even close to done with your parents and might never be done.”

 

“Sam was just trying to help you.”

 

“Us. It wasn’t just me he was defending.”

 

Cas smiled a little and kissed him. “I need to get some work done before Charlie comes over to study.”

 

“We should have taken more classes together so I could be your study partner.”

 

“Yep.” Cas grinned and grabbed his backpack and Dean’s. “Get the food. I’ll set up in the living room.”

 

**************

 

Dean went straight to the mailbox the next afternoon, but it was already empty. Cas didn’t have a KU envelope either, but he tried to keep Dean thinking positive. Dean sulked all afternoon and deep enough that John commented on it.

 

“What’s the problem, Dean?”

 

“Nothing, Dad. I was just hoping my letter would come by now.”

 

“This letter?” Mary asked as she held an envelope out to him. Dean’s eyes darted from the letter with the KU emblem on it up to his mother’s face and back to the letter again.

 

“Well, open it.” John said and Dean took the envelope from his mother. He looked at Cas, then Sam and took a deep breath before he ripped it open with shaking hands.

 

“I’m in.” he said after a moment. “I’m in. He grinned at Cas and then his dad as Mary hugged him tight.

 

“I don’t know why you doubted.” Cas said.

 

“Uh, maybe because I screwed around freshman year and my gpa isn’t exactly stellar because of it.”

 

“But you’ve had excellent grades since then and you’ve taken some really difficult classes, especially this year,” Mary said.

 

“Congratulations, Dean.” John said. “I’d say say we could go celebrate, but Mrs. Milton will be here soon. Tomorrow night- you pick the restaurant.”

 

There were about a hundred other things that Dean wanted to be doing instead of waiting for Cas’s mom to show up for her scheduled visit. As the time grew closer Cas couldn’t keep his eyes off the clock and his knee was bouncing up and down crazy. Dean caught it and gently pushed down to hold it to the floor, then looked into Cas’s worried eyes and smiled.

 

“Relax,” he said. Cas nodded, but none of the stress dropped off his face. Dean grabbed Cas’s hand and twisted their fingers together.

 

The bell rang and John went to answer.

 

Naomi stepped in and took a seat with a small nod to Cas. She asked after school and his grades and she looked nearly everywhere but at cas and Dean’s interlocked hands. She asked again about graduation, but Cas said nothing, unwilling to give ground there.

 

She was quiet long enough that Dean and John exchanged looks and John almost stood to encourage her to go, but very suddenly she leaned forward, a pained look on her face.

 

“Castiel,” she began. Her usual precise speech gave way as she continued. “Will you be going to prom with Dean?”

 

Dean felt a surge in his chest, ready to defend Cas, but there was no need. Cas said yes and Naomi nodded, accepting it and even offering a faint smile. “Would you allow me to pay for it all? Whatever you need- tuxedos, flowers, limo- invite your friends.”

 

“Mother-”

 

“It’s the smallest thing, Castiel. I- there is so much I should have done for you and if this is all you will let me do now, then I will do it.” She looked him in the eye then, and Cas sat up a little straighter. “I have something for you,” she said.

 

She opened her purse and pulled out an envelope and handed it across the coffee table to him. Cas gasped a little when he saw the envelope.

 

“When did it come?”

 

“Yesterday. Open it.”

 

Of course. Cas’s letter from KU- Cas was shaking, not because he wasn’t sure if he’d be accepted, but because he wanted to be accepted to his particular program and he needed a scholarship to ensure he could go to school at all.

 

Dean read over his shoulder- through the acceptance to the college and another letter behind it accepting him into his program. As they read the pages, Naomi spoke again.

 

“I’ve convinced your father to pay for your education no matter where you choose to attend school.”

 

Cas looked up and practically dropped everything out of his hands. His blue eyes went unnaturally wide. “Are you serious?”

 

“Certainly.” She blinked rapidly and pulled something else from her bag- a checkbook. She wrote furiously, tore it out, folded it in half and slid it across the table to Cas as well. “Please let me know if you need anything else.” She stood and smiled shakily at John before she said something about showing herself out. John followed her anyway, and when he came back to the living room he smiled broadly at Cas.

 

“Looks like you’re in, Kid.”

 

Cas was still staring, the papers from the college now spread out in front of him on the coffee table. “Did she seem sad?” He asked.

 

John sat next to him on the couch. “Yeah- she did.”

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look like that.”

 

“Maybe she’s had time to realize some things.”

 

Cas nodded absently. Dean helped him gather his things together and get everything upstairs. Mary had taken Sam out for the evening, and it was quiet without the moose around.

 

Cas didn’t speak as he grabbed clothes to change for bed and headed to the bathroom. Dean waited for his own turn, and when he came back to the room Cas was in the bed holding a book he wasn’t reading. He reached for Dean when it looked like Dean was hesitating between the air mattress and the bed, so Dean joined him with his back against the headboard. Cas curled into him and lay there.

 

“I don’t know what to think.” Cas said.

 

“She seemed sorry at least,” Dean offered. Sorry enough to try to buy a little love anyway.

 

“Do you think she’s going to come over when we do prom pictures next weekend? Should I invite her?”

 

Dean had no idea how to answer that one. Personally, he never wanted to see Naomi again, but if she was earnestly trying to mend fences Dean didn’t want to stand in the way of that for Cas. “Whatever you decide is fine, Cas. Whatever you want.”

 

“I don’t know. Part of me wants to tell her to fuck off and never come back- and that’s a very large part of me. The rest is saying this time it will be different.”

 

“Maybe it will, Cas, maybe it won’t.”

 

Cas nodded against him as he yawned. “I hope it will.”

 

******************

 

Benny, Charlie, Dean and Cas lined up for parents to snap pictures. Charlie and Benny were going together because they weren’t going with anyone else, but Charlie was still playing to the camera. She wrapped Benny’s arms around her waist and leaned back against him like they were going to be 2gether4ever. The pictures came out hilarious, partly because of how serious Charlie took the process and how horrified and awkward Benny looked in every single shot.

 

Dean and Cas were both dressed in sleek black tuxes, crisp white shirts and black bow ties. They smiled together with arms around each other while Mary took pictures, but Cas kept glancing down the driveway to check for his mom. When she hadn’t shown up by the time they were finished, Mary patted him on the back and promised to text Naomi one of the pictures.

 

They took the Impala to the dance and when they stopped at the table to give their names, Dean proudly handed over their tickets and winked at Cas. When they made it into the gym that had been converted to a luau, Dean rolled his eyes.

 

“Seriously?”

 

“I know- lame!” Charlie said. “But fun, right? Dance and see people that you’ll never see again after high school, and rejoice that there are only three weeks left until graduation.”

 

Dean didn’t dance, and Castiel didn’t really either, so they walked around talking to different people. Charlie was right. They wouldn’t see most of these people ever again after they graduated, and many of them meant something to Dean, who had grown up with the same kids in school all the way since Kindergarten. Sure, Cas had made friends since moving to Lawrence, but nothing like Dean who was an outgoing friend magnet.

 

A slower song came on and Cas was surprised when Dean excused himself from a conversation to take Cas by the hand and lead him out to the dance floor. Dean showed Cas what to do with his hands and they laughed together when Cas stepped on Dean’s foot. Dean pulled him as close as the chaperones would allow, and whispered, “This might be our only chance to ever dance together, so we should make it good.”

 

“I’m afraid this is all I can do,” Cas said. They were doing little more than swaying and shuffling their feet, but it worked for them.

 

“Well, good thing we won’t be going to a ton of dances together.”

 

Cas laughed. “If you hadn’t asked me I wouldn’t be here at all. So if you don’t like to dance either, why did you bother?”

 

“That was my sly way of getting you to date me. Lead with a prom ask and then sneak in the fact that you want to also make it a more couple-y event.”

 

“Awwww, I see. Couldn’t just lead with ‘I like you and want you to be my boyfriend’, huh?”

 

Dean shook his head. “Not my style.”

 

Cas laughed. “It’s totally your style. You love to say the big dramatic thing.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dean laughed but blushed a little too.

 

When the song ended and something more upbeat came on they hustled off the floor, but Charlie came by with Benny and demanded that they get back out there and “shake it.” Cas looked reluctant at best, terrified at worst, but between Dean and Charlie he went out there and gave the faintest hint of an effort. It was fun at least and they all laughed together.

 

They left a little early to pick up Charlie’s car before the after party, and just before they reached the house Cas’s phone pinged with a text and then another and another. He deflated in front of Dean’s eyes as he read the messages.

 

“Hey- who was it?” Dean asked.

 

Cas shook his head and turned toward the window.

 

Dean caught Charlie’s eye in the rearview mirror, but she shrugged.

 

Charlie and Benny got out of the car as soon as they parked and started towards Charlie’s across the street. Dean leaned across the seat to Cas.

 

“What’s wrong, Cas?”

 

“Will you hate me if I stay here? You should go with Charlie and Benny, but I don’t think I can go.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Just- I don’t want to go back out. You go, okay?”

 

Dean tried to get Cas to look at him, but Cas refused. Dean got out of the Impala and jogged over to where Charlie was waiting behind the wheel. “Go on without us. I don’t think we’re going to make it, but I’ll text if he changes his mind.”

 

“Text  if you need anything. If Cas needs anything.”

 

Dean nodded and waved at them before heading back to the impala. He pulled Cas’s door open and Cas looked up in surprise.

 

“I thought you went.”

 

“You’re kidding me, right? I’d leave you here like this?” He reached for Cas’s hand, but when Cas didn’t take it, Dean crouched down next to the door.

 

“Come on, Cas. Whatever it is-” he cut himself off when he realized Cas was crying. “Hey. Hey- I’m sorry. Can you please just tell me what that goddamn text was?”

 

Cas handed over his phone and Dean swore loud when he saw the intense rant from Cas’s father.

 

“Cas, you can’t- you can’t believe him, okay? You’re not broken, you’re not going to hell, you’re not...” Cas nodded faintly and Dean pulled him into a tight hug. “Please don’t think any of that.”

 

“You’re home early.” John said from behind them on the front porch and by the time Dean and Cas had separated he was down next to the car.

 

“What happened?” John asked. Dean looked at Cas and when it looked like Cas wasn’t going to say anything, Dean shook his head. John watched the boys look back and forth at each other and he crouched down next to Dean.

 

“At least tell me you two are okay,” he said.

 

“My dad texted me.” Cas said, voice hoarse.

 

“And surprise, surprise- he’s still an asshole,” Dean added.

 

“Why don’t you guys come inside and we’ll get it figured out.” John stood up first and pulled Dean up after him. Cas climbed out too and Dean put his arm around him as they followed John into the house.

 

“You’re home early. How was it?” Mary asked, but then her smile faded when she caught sight of Cas’s red rimmed eyes. “What happened?”

 

Dean squeezed Cas. “You wanna show them?”

 

Cas fumbled in his pocket for his phone, got it to the right screen and passed it over to John.

 

“Oh, Cas. Honey- none of that is true,” Mary said as she put her arms around Cas. Dean gave them space and looked to his dad. John didn’t say anything, but the muscles in his jaw clenched and motioned toward the kitchen with his head when he caught Dean looking at him. Dean followed.

 

“Has Cas been getting anything else like this?”

 

“Not that I know of, “ Dean said. “I mean, he hasn’t said anything.”

 

“I’ll go over there tomorrow and see if I can’t…” John ran a hand down over his face like he was trying to wash this mess off. “Damnit, I thought this was getting better.” He put an arm around his son. “I’m sorry how this is all going. For Cas and for you. Get your prom night ruined by that bastard…”

 

Mary came into the kitchen. “I sent Cas upstairs to change. Do you need something to eat?”

 

“No. I’m gonna text Charlie and let her know we’re not coming and then I don’t know. Maybe I’ll see if Cas wants to come back down for a movie or something.”

 

“Popcorn? Anything?”

 

“Mary, stop trying to feed them. They know where the kitchen is.” John turned Dean to give him a hug and clapped him on the back. “You’re being better about this than me, Dean.”

 

“I don’t want to be, but Cas-”

 

“I know.” John smiled at him. “You’re a good man.”

 

Dean stiffened at the words. It was the first time his father had ever said such a thing to him and he honestly wasn’t sure what to think.

 

He followed his parents upstairs. Cas had already popped the bedroom door open and was hanging his rented tux up.

 

“Hey. Wanna go back downstairs for a movie?”

 

“That sounds good,” Cas looked relieved. Probably because a movie meant he didn’t have to talk anymore, at least not about this.

 

“Go pick something and I’ll change.”

 

Cas started out of the room, but Dean caught him by the wrist on his way past and pulled him close enough for a quick kiss. “I’ll be there in a minute.” He smiled, hoping to get one from Cas, and like he could read Dean’s mind Cas smiled just enough for Dean to feel like everything would be okay again.

 

Dean decided not to bring any of it up. He settled in on the couch next to Cas and after awhile. Cas seemed to melt against him. Dean put his arm around him and kept his mouth shut. He was angry, sure enough, but not with Cas and he wanted to make sure Cas knew it. As the credits started to roll, Cas spoke- eyes firmly watching the credits move up the screen.

 

“Why are you still doing this with me?”

 

“What do you mean, Cas?”

 

“Any of it. All of it. Letting me live here, dating me, letting me mess up your senior prom night-”

 

“First of all, stop that. I like you, Cas. You. And you didn’t mess anything up tonight. We went and had fun and then your asshole father tried to ruin you.” Dean turned Cas’s face toward him. “Please don’t believe what he says about you. Everyone else who knows you knows the truth.”  
  


“Dean…” Cas started, but Dean leaned in to kiss him, slow and serious. If he couldn’t convince Cas of how much he cared with words, he would show him this way.

 

Dean held Cas’s face between his hands, and they were so close their noses almost touched. “Cas, I’m serious, okay? You are the best thing in the world, and your dad is a fucking liar.”

 

Cas sniffed and a tear escaped.

 

“Cas, I’m sorry. Don’t-”

 

“No, I’m sorry. I’ve cried practically all night and I’m sure you had better plans than this-”

 

“Stop, okay?” Dean said it softly but firmly. Cas was always minimizing himself. “Just be here with me. You told me the other day not to worry about all this, can you do the same?”

 

“I thought it was getting better then.”

 

That was true. Everything had looked up then. Maybe it would still improve, but for now all the work to gain any trust between Cas and his mother had been broken with those angry, homophobic, anti-Cas texts. And now Cas was back to doubting himself and anyone who thought positively about him.

  
“I’m sorry, Cas.” Dean pulled his boyfriend back against his body and held him tight. After a while Cas fell asleep, but Dean couldn’t. There was too much to try to fix here, and his mind was full of all the possible angles and directions. He stayed up until the wee hours thinking it all through and holding Cas close against him.


	3. Graduation

“Let’s go, boys!” John called from downstairs.

 

Dean pushed in front of Cas for space in the mirror and Cas hip checked him back.

 

“Hey! There have never been any illusions between me and you about how long it takes to do my hair.” Dean said. “Then you go and move in and your hair that looks like you never fucking comb it is actually a 20 minute process.”

 

“Work of art you mean.” Cas smirked at Dean and kissed his cheek before hightailing it down the hall.

 

“Dean! Get a move on!” John yelled, and Dean leaned out in the hall to see Cas mocking him all the way down the stairs.

 

When Dean made it down a few minutes later, Mary admonished him for not having his tie on yet. He tied it in a hurry, but she worked to straighten it and make it neat, a strange look on her face the whole time.

 

“Mom?”

 

She laughed a little, but it ended with a sniff and wiping her eyes. “I don’t know if you can talk to me today, Dean. Everything you say makes me remember when you were four and seven and ten and-”

 

He put his arms around her. “Don’t cry, mom.”

 

“You’re grown, Dean. You’re going to go to college and out into the world and-”

 

“Not all today.” John said. He put an arm around each of them and kissed the top of Mary’s head. “Come on. We don’t want to be late to the ceremony.”

 

Graduations are one of those things where the solemnity of the occasion is important- observing each step, listening to the speeches, and all of the things that go into the event- but no one really wants to wait through it. Cas was several rows ahead of Dean and when he walked across the stage, Dean and his family made sure Cas had such a serious roar of applause going that Cas’s face turned a furious red as he shook the Superintendent’s hand and accepted his diploma.

 

After the ceremony Dean found Cas in the crowd and kissed him fiercely. “Done. We’re done! Can you believe it.”

 

“And only six years left after this. If you finish on time.” Cas teased.

 

“No! We don’t talk about how much school we have left today. Today we are done and free and-”

 

“Boys! Congratulations!” John reached for Dean first and gripped him firmly in a deep hug, then turned to Cas and offered the same. Cas blushed again under the attention and Dean slung an arm around his shoulders as Mary, Sam, Bobby, Ellen and Jo found them. They offered their congratulations too before John reminded boys of the little celebration at home arranged for the afternoon.

 

“Hang around here for awhile, but we’re grilling and ready to eat at 3:00, okay? Cake, punch, all that graduation stuff. Make sure you’re there on time.”

 

Dean agreed and turned Cas to try to find Charlie and Benny in the crowd, but Cas pulled Dean back.

 

“Dean-”

 

Dean followed Cas’s eye line to find Naomi and Zachariah Milton approaching them at a rapid pace.

 

“Dad!” Dean called. It was loud all around them with graduates and families talking, but they hadn’t yet moved too far away and John realized quickly what was going on and nudged Bobby to come along. They flanked Dean and Cas, John at Cas’s side.

 

“Zachariah,” John said as if he’d anticipated their meeting.

 

“John.” Zachariah didn’t look him in the eye- he was zoomed in on Cas, but stayed back a few steps. “I’d like to speak to my son.”

 

“Go ahead,” John said.

 

“Alone, please.” Zachariah glared at John, willing him to get the point and leave.

 

“I told you after what happened a few weeks ago that I’m your filter now. So, you can talk to Cas in front of me or you can turn around and walk away, but I’m not leaving you to talk to him alone.”

 

“Castiel.”

 

Dean had no idea how much menace and anger could be poured into a single word, but the way Zachariah spoke his son’s name had to max the limit. Cas dropped his eyes and pressed into Dean. Dean tightened his hold around Cas’s shoulders and Zachariah’s eyes went to him.

 

“You know, I thought maybe I had been hasty. Maybe I had misjudged your influence on my son.” Zachariah shook his head. “But, you know what? I think I have to go with a policy that works so very many places. You broke him, you keep him.” His eyes flicked back to Castiel’s and he held him still with his harsh stare. “I made a promise to educate you and I will hold up my end. But you don’t come to my house anymore. You belong to them now.”

 

Before anyone could say anything he turned and walked away. Naomi was frozen in her place, eyes wide. She shook as her mouth opened and closed, like she wanted to speak, to say something, but nothing would come and her chin shook as she looked at Castiel like it was the last time. She took a deep breath and followed after her husband.

 

Cas was shaking against Dean’s arm and Dean pulled him into a hug. “It’s not true. You’re not broken, Cas. You’re not broken.”

 

John was there too as well as Bobby offering his own version of stoic support.

 

“Why did they come? If that’s what he… why did he even come?” Cas asked, his voice unsteady as he fended off tears.

 

“To have this moment, Cas.” John said. “He knows who has done the damage here and he wants to push it to someone else. He wants you to feel the weight of his guilt so he can tell himself he’s not guilty at all.”

 

“You can’t believe him, Cas.” Dean said into his boyfriend’s ear. He had to tell himself that too. He wasn’t responsible for all this, just as Cas wasn’t.

 

“We don’t have to stay,” Dean continued. “Whatever you want.”

 

“Can we drive?”

 

“Definitely.”

 

They went home to change out of their suits and ties and left again in the Impala. Dean drove and Cas leaned against the side of the car, the wind blowing his hair everywhere. He’d let it grow longer than usual since prom.

 

Dean kept waiting for him to talk, but the more difficult task was keeping his own mouth shut. He understood that his job was to drive and let Cas talk when he’d talk, but that didn’t make it any easier. He wanted to ask what Cas was going to do and if he was okay and how he could help- but Dean also knew it would only hurt if he pushed Cas to talk before he was ready.

 

“Can you find us a place to park?” Cas asked suddenly.

 

“Uh, yeah.” Dean found a place and turned off the ignition.

 

Cas kept up his post staring out the open window and after a bit Dean leaned one elbow onto the ledge of his window and propped his head up. It was a pleasant day- May could go either way in Kansas, and he was glad that it was warm but not hot.

 

“I think we shouldn’t room together at college.”

 

Dean took the punch as gracefully as he could, trying not to overreact. “Why?”

 

“When we- if we break up we shouldn’t have to still live together.”

 

Dean’s eyes slid closed and he fought with rage before speaking. He had to keep calm. “What the hell, Cas?” Dean opened his eyes to look at him, but Cas was still staring out the window. “Come on- you can’t just say something like that and expect me to leave it alone.”

 

“I have to think about the future, Dean. I have to be prepared.”

 

“Cas, listen to yourself. You’re worrying about something that isn’t happening.”

 

“If you’re staying with me because you think you have to protect me, you’re wrong. And if you’re staying with me because I need somewhere to live, you shouldn’t be. I’ll work everything out.”

 

“Would you stop? You’re not an obligation, Cas- you’re not a thing. And I hate your dad for making you think that you are.”

 

Dean rubbed both hands over his face, trying to keep down the panic. They weren’t breaking up today, and especially not because of Cas’s shitty father- not if he had any say over it. Dean tried to refocus and while he was getting himself together, Cas popped the door open and was outside with the door slammed closed before he knew it.

 

Dean was after him in an instant. “Cas. Come on.” But Cas kept walking along the road and Dean followed. “Castiel!”

 

That stopped him and Dean caught up easily. Tears poured down Cas’s face and his shoulders shook. Dean grabbed him into a hug and Cas went, face into Dean’s neck as sound started to come out.

 

“Why did he- why…” Cas breathed in and out but it was rapid and doing nothing to calm him. Dean kept a tight grip. “And you.” Cas said. “I just barged into your house… your room… I haven’t even slept with you yet and…”

 

“Dude, you are missing the point if you think that’s the reason you’re living at my house.”

 

“But I- I have been nothing but a-”

 

“A what? A pain in my ass when you make me study more? Yeah, I’ll give you that one. But otherwise, I get to spend my time with you. And you are the one I want to spend it with anyway, so you sleeping at my house is a win-win, you know?”

 

Cas didn’t say anything, so Dean kept going. “And if I’ve been a bad host, like- if I didn’t make you feel welcome or whatever, that’s on me not you, okay? And the sex thing, man- that’s not what I’m in this for. I mean, I would love to whenever you’re ready, but that’s not why we’re together. You have to know that.”

 

Dean was breathing just as hard as Cas at that point, but he had to say one more thing. “Please, Cas. Don’t… don’t end this because you’re afraid.”

 

Cas nodded against him and Dean held him tighter and kissed the side of his head.

 

“I’m sorry.” Cas croaked out. “I’m… I feel like I’m just waiting for worse to come.”

 

‘Don’t let him make you feel like shit. Can we change your number? Block him? Something?”

 

“Yeah.” Cas said faintly. He pulled back from Dean, but Dean was reluctant to let him go far. Cas looked him straight in the eye. “Dean, I’m bad for you and-”

 

“Don’t you say that to me. You have been nothing but good. So what if you’re family is a fucking mess? Most people have that problem, so that’s not a good enough reason, Cas.”

 

Cas nodded and his eyes drifted down for a moment. “I’m afraid,” he said.

 

“That’s okay, Cas. I’m not. I love you.” Dean’s heart was pounding and it almost made him sick to say it out loud while Cas was doing his very best to break up with him, but he had to say it. Cas pulled back completely from him then and Dean let him go.

 

“You don’t have to say it back,” Dean said quickly. “but I need you to know that. If you’re done with me for whatever reason you should at least know that.”

 

Cas stared ahead and Dean felt certain that they were done. “Dean, you can’t possibly know if you love me.” Cas finally said.

 

“I do. I’ve known you almost a year now and I just know, okay?”

 

Cas was staring at nothing, and Dean saw all the signs that Cas was retreating- the slump forward, absent eyes and arms folded around his middle like he was holding himself together. Dean took a deep breath and held it for a moment to try to get his heart to slow down. If this was going to be it, it was going to be it and he didn’t want to break down.

 

“Can you drive me back?” Cas asked.

 

“Of course I’ll drive you, Cas.” Dean let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “But you have to tell me what you’re thinking. I don’t want to wonder all the way back if we’re still together or not.”

 

Cas’s face reactivated and it was incredulous. “You still want to be? After everything I just said and-”

 

“God, Cas. Yes! I do, okay?”

 

Cas nodded slowly, his face full of doubt.

 

“Come on.” Dean held his hand out to Cas, hoping he would take it but preparing for the possibility that he wouldn’t. The longer it took Cas to respond the faster his heart rate went, and it didn’t slow when Cas took his hand. Dean turned to the car and started to walk, but Cas pulled him back and when Dean turned back Cas was right there kissing him furiously and holding him tight at the back of the neck. Dean held him at the waist and hoped with everything he had that this wasn’t a goodbye kiss.

 

“Cas…” Dean said, his eyes still closed, their lips just a breath apart.

 

“I’m sorry for everything today.” Cas said and Dean kept his eyes closed against what would come next.

 

“I’m afraid you’ll wake up some morning and realize what a drain I’ve been and then… if I stop it now it will hurt less.”

 

Dean opened his eyes. Cas was looking right at him, blue eyes trembling. “You have never been a drain, Cas.” Dean said.

 

Cas swallowed so hard Dean could practically feel it. “Then stay with me?”

 

“You don’t even have to ask.” Dean said, and kissed him again.

 

****************

 

By the time they pulled up to the Winchester house just before 3:00, Cas had apologized to Dean approximately one million times. Dean tried to shut him down over and over, but Cas wouldn’t stop. They walked inside hand in hand to be greeted by family and friends, and after the initial fuss ended and food was served, Cas sneaked upstairs to wash his face and get a moment to himself. Dean waited impatiently at the bottom of the stairs. Aside from the actual graduation ceremony nothing about this day had gone well, and he had a tiny weird fear that Cas was actually climbing out the window to run off, but then he appeared and they joined everyone in the backyard where John was manning the grill and friendly conversation flowed all around them.

 

Cas and Dean found a corner to sit in and Dean had his arm around Cas, feeling all at once grateful that he was still right there and uneasy about how Cas was dealing with what had happened with his father. Maybe it would get better with no contact between the two of them. Maybe without that trigger Cas would be able to return to his normal even-keeled temperament. And if not? They’d figure it out together, as long as Cas would let them.

 

Cas was the first to spot Charlie when she showed up a little later and he jumped up to greet her. Dean watched him talk, hands in his pockets, but a smile showing up sometimes. He was getting back to normal after the ugliness earlier.

 

“How’d it go on your drive?” John asked. He sat down on the porch next to Dean, beer in one hand.

 

“Well, He tried to break up with me about five times because he’s afraid his dad will keep screwing him up. He thinks that’s going to screw me up and that he’s bad for me and…” Dean faded out and ducked his head to try to keep his emotions under control.

 

“Do you two need to break up?”

 

“Dad-”

 

“I’ll just say this, Dean. Cas is welcome here as long as he needs a place to stay- whether you two are together or not. But you are my son and I have to watch for you and what’s healthy for you.”

 

“So you think I should let him explode this because he got hurt by his dad? He gets to kick off anything good in his life because he hurts so bad?”

 

“I can’t say. I’m not him- or you for that matter.”

 

“Then what are you trying to say?”

 

John looked at Cas, then back at Dean. “I’m saying I want you in one piece. I told you before that Cas might make some stupid decisions because of hurt he’s feeling and you can’t force him to make the right choice. That’s why I said he might need a friend more than a boyfriend.”

 

“I see that now. But I’m not going to let him break this unless I know it’s coming from a real place.”

 

John looked back at Cas. “Just be careful, Dean. That’s all I’m saying.”

 

Dean nodded. John patted him on the knee and pushed up off the porch and went to talk to Bobby.

 

Cas brought Charlie over and Dean stood to hug her before she sat with them. Cas scooted close to Dean so their legs touched from hip to knee and as Charlie talked, Dean kept an eye on Cas. It was rude and he knew it, but he was a little afraid that if his attention waned even for a moment Cas would be gone. But then Cas smiled and the Cas that Dean saw most every day was back in that expression. When Charlie went to get food Dean put his mouth to Cas’s ear and whispered, “I was serious earlier. I love you.”

 

Cas looked like he was going to answer back so Dean stopped him. “If you think you’re going to say it back, stop right there. I don’t want you to say it until you decide it’s time. And when you say it make sure you do it because you really love me and not because you feel like you owe me or whatever.”

 

Cas inspected Dean’s face for a long moment between them then nodded. “Thank you, Dean.” he said and kissed him lightly. “You have been so good to me while I’ve been…”

 

“An asshole? Maybe. But I get why and we worked it out and that’s what matters.”

  
Cas leaned his head onto Dean’s shoulder. This felt right. This felt like the reboot they needed. Zachariah would be out of Cas’s life aside from paying tuition, and Cas would get back to his more carefree self. And if for some reason he didn’t, Dean was prepared to navigate that too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I greatly appreciate your comments.
> 
> This work has several planned chapters. Please subscribe to the series for updates.
> 
> You can find more of my work at captainawesomeellie.tumblr.com


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